


Somewhere brighter on the other side

by Sumi



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 05:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17523101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/pseuds/Sumi
Summary: When Athena's thoughts turned to Jaal, her heart started to beat fast and stomach started to do flip flops. Not only were they united in their feelings, they were united in their grief; Athena for Grace and Jaal for his people.





	Somewhere brighter on the other side

**Author's Note:**

> The art I claimed was made by the lovely Naeviss featuring her custom Ryder and Jaal!
> 
> Link to the original art and master art post can be found [here](https://naeviss.tumblr.com/private/182243047023/tumblr_plsckfWo1F1qm0qeh).

The truth behind exaltation was still fresh in Athena's mind. Jaal’s pained howl, the sound of absolute agony that was still ringing in her ears haunted her. His form collapsing, crumpling under the weight of grief and pain was a sight seared into Athena’s memory. It choked her and crippled her, making her knees weak.

Athena rushed for Jaal in that moment. Her legs were sure and steady but her mouth was not. She fumbled for her words, unsure of what to say to comfort him. What could she say? If Grace were here she'd know what words to use to make things better. Her sister always knew the exact thing to say and do. She never hesitated either. Athena wished she could be more like Grace. Especially at time like this.

Later, when Athena was alone in the dark, quiet safety of her Tempest quarters, she broke down. She threw herself into the corner between her bed and the wall and curled into a ball. Once positioned she stuffed her fist into her mouth and screamed.

Athena knew she needed to pull herself together. In the medbay Lexi was looking over the Moshae and Athena needed to go and see how the elder Angara was doing. Besides that, Jaal most likely was close by and he needed her. Now could be Athena’s a chance to check on him as well.

Athena eventually pulled herself off the floor. She wiped her face with her hands, but it did little to help. She couldn't very well go out looking like she been sobbing on the floor.

“Pathfinder. I’ve looked up “Ways to Not Look Like You’ve Been Crying in a Bathroom at Work.” I suggest taking approximately 10 minutes and trying some of the tips if you wish to be what you consider presentable.” SAM suggested, breaking Athena out of her thoughts.

She blanked, managing a weak laugh. “Thanks SAM. Good looking out.”

The 10-minutes came and went. When Athena looked in the mirror, the puffiness under her eyes faded. She definitely didn't look like she'd spent the past 10 minutes crying her eyes out.

“You look presentable, Pathfinder.”

“Thanks SAM. Those tips actually worked.”

“It’s simple science, Pathfinder. Cold water, reduces puffiness and closes your pores, while deep breathing evens your pulse and reduces the redness in your face.”

When Athena enter the med bay a few minutes later she was unsurprised at the scene before her. The Moshae was awake but only just barely. She looked like she been hit by a rocket. At least she was safe and sound. Jaal met Athena eyes and smiled. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Still, she returned it anyway.

Athena arrived just as Jaal left to let the Moshae rest. Athena might have left to go after him, but before she could, Lexi caught her with a complaint. According to Lexi, Athena shouldn't encourage the idea that exaltation could be reversed. Lexi called that idea nothing but false hope because there was so much they didn't understand about the process.

Athena understood, of course. Lexi was right about them not understanding the process enough to go around promising there was way to reverse it. But, dammit, she had to say something to all those who were grieving, all those who lost those loved one in way almost worse than death.

If Grace had been Pathfinder this never would have happened or at least she would have been around to handle it with a clear head and decisive action.. What wouldn’t Athena give to have her big sister with her during all this? If anyone could help her through this it would be Grace. It wasn't fair Grace was on the Nexus stuck in a damned coma where all her talents were locked up in head.

She walked back to her cabin with a heavy heart. Athena was exhausted after the rescue. Sleep sounded great, but she know didn't know if she'd be able to. The images of the exalted were fresh in her mind.

“Pathfinder, perhaps you'd prefer to talk with one of your crew members. According to my research, talking is a way to ease someone's mind.”

Athena laughed. “Yeah it's something like that, SAM.” She appreciated the effort SAM was making. Having it through this entire process certainly did make one hell of a difference.

The first place Athena headed was the room Jaal had claimed for himself. Actually, rarely any of the crew slept in the crew's quarters with the exception of Suvi. Kallo preferred the bridge and Lexi the med bay. Liam, Drack, Cora Gil, and Vetra all made rooms out of where they spent the most time. She really didn't mind. All that mattered was that they were comfortable.

Athena knocked on the door, rolling her tired shoulder, while she waited for answer. Jaal soft voice called out for her to come in after a moment’s pause. He sounded steady, but it didn't mean everything was alright. A few hours ago he was on the ground and in her arms as his new reality hit him in the worst way possible.

The the first morning she woke up after her father death, Athena had been a mess. It was was like she’s gone through a wormhole and come out the other side in a different reality where everything was the same, but one huge thing had been changed. Her father was still a subject Athena wasn't sure how to feel about. Alex had a complicated relationship with both of his kids. This is especially true of Athena whose relationship had to be the worst.

“Ryder,” Jaal called out, breaking Athena out of her thoughts. “To what do I owe this sudden visit?”

Athena smile nervously, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It was as if her mouth had decided to go rouge, automatically wanting to smile if she was around Jaal, even if the rest of her wasn’t in the mood for smiling.

“I wanted to see how you were doing after the talk with Lexi,” Athena said. “She was not happy, since she feels like I may have provided you with false hope.”

“Pathfinder there is absolutely nothing wrong with installing a sense of hope. No hope is false. There is always a chance,” Jaal told her firmly.

Jaal proved to be a profound soul once again. She remained put off her game by his behavior and attitude. He would be unnerving if it wasn’t so endearing. “Jaal if you ever need to talk about anything I’m here. I may not know exactly what to say, but I'm willing to try.”

Jaal pulled Athena into a hug without any warning. “As I said you are a good person, Pathfinder.”

Athena accepted the compliment, but Jaal was mistaken. She was a mess; he just didn’t know it. But who is she to shake his belief. As Pathfinder, Athena was supposed to inspire hope, wasn’t she? Theoretically, she was. Whether Athena could put that into practice would remain to be seen. She was just happy that Jaal seemed to be in better spirits.

The next day they delivered the Moshae safe and sound to Aya. She was weak, but in the process of healing. Evfra seemed pleased. It looked like he was close to thanking Athena, but it fell flat in the end. Athena appreciated the attempt.

Aya was Athena’s favorite place in the galaxy. Places like it were what she’d been dreaming about when she set off to be among the stars. And for the moment it was left untouched by the Kett. She felt privileged to be able to see the variance. Hopefully the Angara still weren't bitter about their arrival. Crashing landing here, unannounced, while on fire, was a terrible plan.

After dropping off Moshae they returned to ship and Athena had to decide where to go next. She decided on the Nexus, even if Tann was there. Athena couldn't stand him, but there were things that needed to be discussed.

Hours before they arrived at the Nexus, SAM told her Jaal was outside her doors.

“Pathfinder, Mr. Ama Darav is outside your doors. Should I let him in?”

“Yeah, go ahead SAM.”

The door opened and Jaal walked in. “I hope I'm not interrupting anything, Ryder. I only wanted to speak with you briefly.”

Athena nodded, motioning for Jaal to sit down. “Shoot.”

He blinked. “Ryder, I would prefer no one got wounded… ah, nevermind. That was another idiom wasn't it?”

She nodded again while trying desperately to muffle her laughter. Jaal had been with the Tempest crew for sometime now. He picked up on enough human sayings by now, but some tended to still go over his head.

“I merely wanted to thank you for your assistance on Voeld.”

“You don't have to thank me Jaal.”

He smiled. “Oh, but there is Ryder. Moshae Sefa is important to the Angara. Yet, you helped aid in her rescue without guarantee of Evfra's help. Many would not go to such lengths unless they were sure they were getting something in return.”

Athena took a moment to process to the words. When her brain finally caught to facts, she felt her face heat up like a red star. Compliments were few and far between in Athena's life, and when they occured she reacted awkwardly at her most graceful.

“Pathfinder, your body temperature has risen considerably in the past minute. Should I contact Dr. T'Perro?”

“I'm fine, Sam,” Athena muttered. She spoke low enough for Jaal to just not be able to make out her words.

“What was that, Ryder?”

Athena swallowed. “I said thank you, Jaal. What you said meant a lot to me “

“You are welcome, Ryder.”

Athena continued to make she glow like a warm red star until Jaal left, as if she already at like the strange tiny alien in his presence already. To make matters worse, if only for her, her heart continued to beat a lightyear a minute.

“SAM, the elevated heart rate also isn't something to worry about,” Athena explained before SAM could get worried. She always got a particular feeling right before SAM suggested something if she was paying attention. While she normally wasn’t, she got the feeling SAM was about to suggest another visit to Lexi. “It's just a… hormonal thing.”

“Understood, Pathfinder.”

Athena sighed in relief. She was so grateful SAM didn't ask any questions about what she said. The AI was often curious about organics and never missed a chance to pose a question.

She wasn't ready to ask about why she kept acting like she was going through some sort of change of life whenever she was around Jaal. Athena suspected why, but it was the worst timing. And despite Athena's attempts to distance herself from Jaal they grew closer over the next few weeks. Especially after the encounter with Akksul. Jaal came so close to losing his life.

Soon Athena found herself at the crossroads, where she had to make a choice: bury her feelings or say something. And unfortunately, based solely on the way she was built as a person, she could no longer deny her feelings. She certainly wanted to. Avoidance was a Ryder family trait going back generations. As kids Grace and Athena had gotten fake family crests reading “Abscondite Animi” on tattooed them. Alex Ryder had been displeased about it.

So conditioned to hide her feelings, it took Athena a few days to work up the courage to talk to Jaal. Or at least this was her intention. Jaal beat her to the punch by sending her a message, say that he wanted to talk. Athena shouldn't have been surprised. Jaal never seemed to hesitate when it came to matters of heart, and Athena seemed to be included in that apparently.

Athena was the opposite. It wasn’t just her feelings she was avoiding dealing with these days. Second guessing herself was starting to become the norm. The worse, and most ironic part of this was is dthat so far Athena's decisions were working out. She hadn’t fucked up royally yet, and no one was trying to throw her out of her role as Pathfinder. All her worrying and second-guessing was aging her prematurely. If only Athena could trust herself as much as others trusted her judgement. As much as Jaal seemed to trust her judgement.

“Athena, may I comment about your constant mental state?” SAM asked.

She was caught off guard to the question. Athena remained relieved it asked her while in the privacy of her own quarters. “You're getting really good with that empathy thing, SAM?’

“Based on our time together, I would have to say it's improved considerably. Seeing it from your Father's perspective was limiting.”

Athena laughed. Truer words had never been spoken. “So what did you want you ask, SAM?”

“Pathfinder, you seem to constantly be hard on yourself despite all your successes. Based on memories of your sister, would she not consider this counterproductive and demand you take pride in your accomplishments?”

“SAM, when the hell did you become so wise?”

“I believe it began to occur during our time together. You are wiser than you think, Athena.”

She bit down on her bottom lip, unsure of what to say. Maybe SAM was right. Athena was second guessing everything, her job and her relationship with Jaal. If Grace were here, she'd push her to go for it. That was just yet another trait her sister possessed.

“SAM in an hour can you message Jaal and ask him to come by?”

“Yes, Pathfinder.”

Athena sighed. “Oh and SAM if I ask to change my mind don't let me.” It was sad, but she knew herself too well. If she didn’t stop herself from backing out now, she’d ended up doing so later.

“Understood, Pathfinder.”

Athena began to count down the minutes. What the hell was she honestly doing? It felt like the right thing to do, taking some to collect her thoughts, but Athena's nerves were on edge. While they waited, SAM kept giving her random pep talks-- some of which it got from the net. One of which was a an article entitled “Ten Tips For Declaring Your Feelings to Your Crush.” She really did appreciate all the effort SAM was giving though.

“Pathfinder?”

She swallowed the nervous lump in her throat before answering. “Yes, SAM?”

“Mr. Ama Darav is on his way. He’ll be here in approximately five minutes. Would you like me to began counting down?”

“No, SAM please don't do that.” Athena groaned. “My nerves are already shot enough as it is.”

Athena spent the time trying not to hyperventilate while Jaal was on his way. She walked to bathroom twice to use the facilities, wash her hands and pat her face with a damp cloth. When Jaal was finally outside the door, SAM asked her if she wanted him to be let inside. All Athena could do was nod in response. It was all she could manage.

Jaal walked in, looking amazing as usual. “Ryder, you wanted to speak with me?” He had a soft smile playing on his lips. This time the smile reached his eyes.

This time, not only was she blushing, she had butterflies. This was getting utterly out of hand. If only his smile was so beautiful. If only his eyes weren’t so sparkling. Athena could get lost in them. Athena hadn’t left Earth to find a boyfriend among the aliens. That would would be a weird reason to go into space. Yet here she was, swooning over Jaal like he was a rock star or something. Luckily, SAM was the only one who knew she had these thoughts. Even if her feelings were returned, Athena wasn’t planning tell Jaal about any of these racing thoughts.

“Yes, I did,” Athena sputtered out. Her nerves were starting to become overwhelming. With SAM's silent encouragement Athena was just barely able to work through it and get to the point. “I just wanted to let you know that I care for you Jaal. Not sure how Angara do it, but humans are prone to spontaneous bursts of confessioning their feelings.”

Jaal waited until Athena was finished. He laughed before taking her hand. For a moment she was focused on how much their hands sized differed. His was huge and hers was tiny in comparison. But it made Athena feel like a princess, and that was another thought she hoped never saw the light of day.

“I care for you as well, Athena.”

She definitely wasn't prepared for that. She’d never heard Jaal call her by her first before. And she certainly wasn’t prepared for what happened next. When Jaal started leaning close she froze, unsure of what he was attempting to do. It wasn't until their foreheads touched did she finally snap out of it.

Athena couldn't help but grin. The close contact was amazing after so long without it. And it was made better by the fact that she found herself falling in love with Jaal.

The moment couldn't last forever. When Kallo announced over the comms that Athena was needed on the bridge, she knew the spell was broken for the time being.

“I'll see you later, dearest one.”

After Jaal left, Athena giggled quietly to herself. She headed up to the bridge with little worries. It didn't matter what the problem was because nothing could take away the happiness she felt in this moment.

The problem was serious depending how you looked at it. Kallo was having a problem with Gil that Athena ended up having to meditate. It took its toll on Athena having to be the judge in all these disputes. She parted with them feeling emotionally on edge. 

Despite the Ryder family having trouble with their emotions, Grace had always said Athena was the most sensitive one. She had a feeling that Grace and Jaal would get along. Grace's seal of approval would probably be given without a second thought whenever she woke up and finally met Jaal. With Grace and Jaal backing her up, maybe Athena would finally feel some peace of mind.

But until then, there would be a hole in Athena’s heart due to Grace's absence.

“Athena, would like me to message Mr. Ama Darav now that your free?”

“Not now, SAM. A lot has happened today, but definitely tomorrow.”

“Understood, Pathfinder.”

When Athena's thoughts turned to Jaal, her heart started to beat fast and stomach started to do flip flops. Not only were they united in their feelings, they were united in their grief; Athena for Grace and Jaal for his people. Something good came out of the terrible things that had happened. It gave Athena something positive to focus on concerning this situation.

The next morning Athena woke up early. She asked SAM to check if Jaal was awake and after confirmation that he was she asked SAM to send a message. Maybe Jaal could use Athena's help with something. Or it could be something as simple as enjoying each other's company. 

Even if they just talked, that would be enough for Athena.. The two of them should be able to talk for a while. At least, until Pathfinder duties reared their ugly heads again. She just hoped that happened later rather than sooner because things with Jaal were so new that Athena wanted to enjoy as much of it as could as as soon as possible.


End file.
